Greater Self-Awareness Leads to Confidence, Performance & Happiness (Here's How to Get More of It)
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This quote by Rumi hits hard:
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world, today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
It's true isn't it? The change we seek is in the change in ourselves. In other words, when we have self-control, we will see real results. Think about it, anything worthwhile is difficult and as humans, we crave comfort and our reptilian brains steer us away from pain, with the goal of keeping us safe. So in order to do the crappy things to get to the good things, we need to have self-control.
And the only way to have more self-control? We have to start with self-awareness. If we don't know who we are, we cannot possibly control ourselves.
Self-awareness is the foundation for self-control.
Two research studies, one in 2015 and one in 2016 have shown that practicing self-awareness improves:
Wellbeing
Proactivity
Confidence
Self-acceptance
Job-related satisfaction
Communication with colleagues
At this point you might be thinking "Howie, I'm already very self-aware", and guess what, I thought the same thing too, until I read about the largest scientific study of self-awareness, with 10 separate investigations and nearly 5,000 total participants.
One incredible finding was that while 95% of people reported to be self-aware, only about 10-15% were truly self-aware (h/t The Eurich Group)
Bottomline?
We can all be better at self-awareness
BASE PRINCIPLE
Self-awareness is the foundation for self-mastery.
WHAT IF?
What if you could understand yourself better? What if you were able to be more confident? What if you knew what would truly make you happy? What if you were more fulfilled?
To learn how to get more self-aware, we have to better understand it. Turns out, there are two kinds of self-awareness: internal and external.
Internal self-awareness: understanding one's values, passions, and impacts, linked to satisfaction and well-being.
External self-awareness: knowing how others perceive us, associated with empathy and leadership effectiveness.
Surprisingly, these types don't correlate, leading to four self-awareness archetypes in leadership. Balancing internal insights with external feedback is crucial for leaders, as exemplified by a marketing manager who achieved success by valuing both types of self-awareness.
Here are 7 ways to cultivate and practice self-awareness:
1/ Envision your best self
Envisioning your ideal self, rooted in your aspirations, skills, and desired accomplishments, can guide your personal growth. By focusing on your strengths, this vision helps navigate past setbacks and maintain direction towards becoming your best version.
2/ Ask "what" questions, not "why"
Self-awareness involves reflection, yet many people reflect "wrongly". Tasha Eurich (watch her TEDx talk) and her team found through their research that "Why" questions can lead to inaccurate self-assessments and negative thought spirals. For instance, a junior employee might attribute her silence in meetings to her lower corporate status, reinforcing feelings of insignificance. Shifting from "why" to more constructive inquiries like "what" questions can prevent these unhelpful patterns.
For instance, rather than questioning, "Why don't I speak up at meetings?" we might consider:
"What dynamics were present in the room?"
"How was my physical response at that moment?"
"What triggered my recurring feelings of inadequacy?"
"How can I address my reluctance to voice my thoughts?"
This approach to reflection enables us to objectively evaluate our actions and beliefs. By recognizing and challenging unhelpful narratives, we enhance our self-awareness and pave the way for change.
3/ Seek opinions of others
Get feedback from your co-workers and trusted friends. (See Gary Vaynerchuk talk about THE method to become more self-aware) Make sure you have a safe environment as you may not like everything you hear. Specific feedback is helpful:
Make two columns.
Column A: How I see myself
Column B: How others see me
In Column A make a list of words to describe your attitude and behaviors at a scenario or time.
Then, ask your feedback partner to do the same and record those responses in Column B.
Look out for discrepancies. You may have some blind spots that need attending.
4/ Keep a journal
Write down your thoughts. It will help you recognize patterns that may serve you. Prompts can be:
What went well today?
What challenges did I face?
How did I respond? How could I have responded differently?
5/ Meditation
Take time to focus on yourself. It doesn't have to be more complex than just sitting down in a quiet place and focusing on your breath for a few minutes.
6/ Track behavior aligning to values
Taking inspiration from Benjamin Franklin, keep a balance sheet of your values. Assess your "net worth" by keeping tabs on assets (positive) and liabilities (negative) behaviors throughout the day.
7/ Take psychometric tests
Whether it's the Myers-Briggs or Predictive Index, taking some psychometric tests can give you additional points about yourself.
"To know yourself, you must sacrifice the illusion that you already do."
~Vironika Tugaleva
Self-awareness is a lifelong journey and it's never too late to invest in our enlightenment. Here's to our long road ahead!
Live your legend 🤘🏽,
Sources:
Eurich, Tasha, What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It), Harvard Business Review, January 04, 2018 - LINK
Perry, Elizabeth, What is Self-Awareness and How to Develop It, BetterUp Blog, September 14, 2022 - LINK
PsychCentral, How to Develop Self-Awareness and Why It's Important - LINK
Tjan, Anthony K., 5 Ways to Become More Self-Aware, Harvard Business Review, February 11, 2015 - LINK
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