The Pause is a Double-Edged Sword (Here's How You Can Wield its Power)
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You've probably heard about the power of the pause.
↳ Take a few moments to pause when you are communicating and you have the audience eating out of your hands.
Well... turns out this advice is flawed.
What I've learned through my research is that pausing is nuanced. You can't apply it to every situation.
A research study published by the American Psychological Association can shed some light. This series of experiments was conducted across 7,500 individuals from the United States, the United Kingdom and France to study the impact of pausing on sincerity.
Each participant listened to an audio recording, viewed a video or read an account of a person responding to a simple question (e.g., did they like a cake a friend made or had they stolen money from work). In each scenario, the response time varied from immediate to a 10-second delay.
Participants then rated the sincerity of the response on a sliding scale.
Guess what they found?
When people pause before replying to a question, even for just a few seconds, their answers are perceived to be less sincere and credible than if they had replied immediately.
Pausing lowers likeability when expected to respond.
What about when we are pushed to react? That's where our amygdala comes in, taking over at times of stress, activating our sympathetic nervous system and reacting thoughtlessly to real or imagined dangers.
That's why it's better we pause in times of stress and high-tension situations so that we might be more present with our feelings. This allows us to process and skillfully process how we want to act, what we want to say. This shows confidence and increases the chance to be heard.
Pausing raises confidence when expected to react.
This is the double-edged sword of the pause.
BASE PRINCIPLE
When expected to react - slow down, when expected to respond - speed up.
WHAT IF?
What if you could be seen as more sincere? What if you could show up with more confidence? What if you could communicate more impactfully?
Three additional ideas:
1/ The 30% rule
When you are stressed, time passes faster for you. Most people rush and only give themselves 30% of the time the audience will give you. So take a few moments (at least 3x what's natural) to react and you'll come across as confident and assured. (Check out this video from Charisma On Command ~4:50 mark)
2/ High mental effort, low effect
When expected to respond, we should speed up because we are perceived to be less sincere the more time we take to answer a question. This effect is reduced when the question is perceived to demand more mental effort. Consider "Did you take a vacation day?" vs. "Of all the vacations you've taken, which was the best?".
3/ Pausing in speeches
Humans think approximately 4 times faster than the average rate of speech, which is about 150 words a minute. So when you are speaking and delivering a speech, your perception of time will be different from that of the audience.
According to a study conducted at Brigham Young University, pauses between utterances (statements) actually increases likeability, whereas pausing within utterances decreases it.
So pause in between statements and slow down.
Pausing helps us in four main ways:
Think and let others think: It lets us and the people listening have time to understand. A quiet moment in talking can make people listen more. You can breathe and they can think about your words.
Stay calm: If you're nervous about speaking, pausing before you start can help calm you down.
Remember what to say: If you forget what you're talking about, a short pause (no longer than 5 seconds) is okay. The people listening won't mind.
Sound better: Instead of using "um" or "uh," pausing makes you sound more sure and in control. Saying "um" can be distracting and make it seem like you're not sure what to say.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”
~ George Bernard Shaw
Let's hone our communication skills and spread our ideas.
Live your legend 🤘🏽,
Sources:
Answer Quickly to be Believed, ScienceDaily, February 16, 2021 - LINK
Lyman, Rebecca, The Impact of Speech Pause on the Perceived Effectiveness and Likability of a Speaker's Communication, April 3, 2023 - LINK
Amodeo, John, The Surprising Power of Pausing Before Speaking, Psychology Today, June 12, 2019 - LINK
How To Look High Status, Charisma On Command, YouTube - LINK
The Power of Pause, Quantified, June 19, 2013 - LINK
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